


Don’t you just love stupid people?

by MarsMania



Category: South Park
Genre: Can’t warn you about anything it’s all random, Everyone’s gay at this point, Families may show up, I’m just lazy and don’t know their names, Multi, Second Collection, There’s more people, This will be chaos, not gonna lie, the boys are back in town
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26355391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsMania/pseuds/MarsMania
Summary: The boys are here, and they’re stupid
Relationships: Bebe Stevens/Wendy Testaburger, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Ike Broflovski/Firkle Smith, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Token Black/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	1. No homo, bro, I mean, unless you want too

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my second collection of fandom chaos, this will be similar to the BNHA. This is gonna be utter chaos. Have fun, and enjoy!!!

“Aren’t you ever tired of being sad?” Kenny’s been trying to get his friend’s attention, but no dice. He just keeps staring at Wendy. It’s always been about Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. I mean fuck man, can he literally stare at anyone else? Mix it up a little. 

“You don’t understand Ken,” Stan sighs opening his locker and beginning to take out his morning books. “She’s just so- so”

“Annoying?” Kenny.

“Bitchy?” Kyle.

“Fat?” At least that last one made him giggle. Stan closed his locker, zipping his bag and looked at the group of assholes he called friends.

“Yes, Cartman, she’s just so fat, I can’t take it,” Stan rolled his eyes slinging his backpack on his shoulder, Stan leaned against his locker, watching his friends get their books.

“Hey man, I tell it like it is.” Cartman was always a truthful person when it came to dissing people that weren’t himself. Pulling his books and his four snacks out of his locker, Cartman zipped up his bag and directed his attention back to the raven. “Listen, Stanley, Wendy’s a bitch. Bebe’s a bitch, hell, all the girls are bitches. That’s just who they are. If you can’t handle it, just dump a bitch.”

“That seems awfully hard.” Stan doesn’t like to admit it, but he knows she’s a bitch. It just seems wrong to say it out loud. “I don’t think all the girls are-“, Stan closes his eyes and inhales, “ _Bitches_.”

”Then you’re lying to yourself, Stan.” Cartman shut his locker and pulled out one of his snacks from his bag. He tried to only eat one, cause those snacks are gonna last him until lunch in like, a whole 3 hours.

”Dude, I’m just saying,” Kenny holds Stan’s shoulder. Stan really didn’t wanna hear Ken out, he had weird advice, but he turned to listen anyway. “Wendy just- doesn’t go with you. You guys are like salt and mustard. Makes no sense. She hurts you more than she makes you feel good. And I don’t want that for a Homie.” Kenny unzips his jacket slightly so Stan can see him smile. To be honest, that’s some solid perspective. Stan was so surprised by the maturity that he almost forgot it was Kenny he was talking to. Almost.

”I mean, you want someone to love you? Just date Kyle.” Cartman nearly spit out his snack and Stan nearly choked. Kenny was still wearing his trademark smile, it just held something more now. 

“Not funny.”

”Never said it was.” That smile was really annoying him now.

”What’s the problem with that?” Kyle spoke for the first time since Stan had his early morning sob hour. Kyle was done with his books and was just watching the interaction before him. He chose not to intervene, but he heard his name, so might as well say something. “What’s wrong with wanting to care for a homie?”

”That’s gay, Kyle.” Cartman puffed.

”No homo tho, bro.”

”Damn, he ‘no homo’ed us.” Kenny was really hoping he could get Kyle to acknowledge his gayness for Stan. Not necessarily sexual, but they were married in spirit. 

“I mean, fuck, full homo, whichever makes you happy, man, I’m here.”   
  
Stan sniffed, and fixed his bag straps. Kyle really was the best. He couldn’t ask for a better friend. Best friend. Super best friend. Gay bro. Husband. You know what, all those work. Whatever Kyle is, he’s the best. 

“Thanks man, it means a lot that you’d go full homo for me.”

”No prob, babe. I just have one condition.”

That got everyone’s attention. Kenny and Cartman were just confused, Stan was intrigued. Kyle’s conditions were always in his best interest. He’ll remain his best friend if he stopped drinking. They would continue sleepovers if he shut up about Wendy. He would buy him lunch if he respected himself that day. With that perfect history, Stan was ready to do whatever he said.

”Sure, Bro. What condition?”

”You’re not allowed to date me if you’re still with Wendy.” Kyle meant it as a joke, but with Stan, things go from 0 to 100. And Kyle should’ve seen it coming the minute Stan said ‘You got it’ and walked away to Wendy.

”Hey, Wendy!” Stan waved, one hand still on his backpack.

”Oh, Hey, Stan.” Wendy smiled, feeling giddy seeing her boyfriend so happy his morning. “What can I do you fo-“ 

“You the worst!” Stan said beaming, not a second of hesitation. Wendy, Kenny, Cartman and Kyle all stared at the same raven. He just stood there, smile still a mile far. Wendy looked around, eyes shifting at the other students for a sign of a prank or a joke, but saw nothing.

”I’m sorry- What??”

”You’re the worst, and I’m leaving you. Have a nice day!” That’s all Stan said before he turned around and strolled back to his locker, that same stupid smile still on. “There Kyle! I’m free of Wendy, what next?”   
  


Kyle just blinked. So did the other two. All three of them just staring at the black haired male in amazement. Stan’s smile began to slowly decline from the silence. “Was I not supposed to do that?” Stan asked, looking at his friend group. Kyle too a deep breathe and looked straight into his best friend’s eyes.   
  
“Stan-“ Dammit, he looked like he was gonna cry and that’s the last thing he needs. Kyle sighed and straighten his posture.

”Not what I meant, but fuck it. Let’s go out.” 

“Yay!” Stan beamed, throwing his arms up. Kenny just laughed while Cartman mumbles about how sick that was. 

Kyle best friend was an idiot, but dammit he made a promise, so might as well keep it. And when the bell rang and Stan grabbed his hand, he didn’t have the heart to pull it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I don’t really picture Stan with Wendy, so I needed that to end here and now, but she’s still in the story, she doesn’t disappear.


	2. Hold My Poodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle: YOU WANNA FIGHT??? NAH, STAN HOLD MY POODLE-  
> Stan: Dude, What pood-  
> Kyle: H O L D M Y P O O D L E

“That’s gotta be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever pitched to me.” Kyle had to put his sandwich down to even understand what the hell fatass was talking about. They were originally debating the hottest male singer, and it apparently led to Cartman thinking he could totally nail being a Korean Pop Singer.

”I’m telling you! I already sound like Lady Gaga.” He protested, and frankly, Kyle couldn’t ever really tell who he was trying to sing like. It just sounded like Cartman, and Cartman wasn’t what you wanted to sound like.

”In what universe are you Lady Gaga, man?” Kenny added, stealing apple slices from Stan. “I can sing, but I don’t even sound like Lady Gaga.”   
  
“That’s because you sound like Ariana Grande.” Of course Stan listens to Ariana Grande, the damn bisexual disaster. 

“See! I don’t even get to sound like Lady Gaga, where the hell are you gonna get that kinda voice? You sound like Kyle’s cousin having an allergic reaction to Peanut Butter.”

”That or Clembrane,” Stan chuckled. 

“Oh my God.” Kyle spit out his soda, and Kenny laughed loud enough for the girl’s table to look at them. Cartman was about to argue, but even he laughed a little. “Fuckin’ Clembrane,” Kyle mumbled.

“Hey! That’s not true.” Cartman slammed his hands on the table, standing up in the process. He looked as if he couldn’t tell whether to yell or laugh. And to be honest, he did both. “At least I can at least sing! Stan sounds like a dying giraffe!” Kyle gasped so dramatically, Kenny’s laughter honestly caught everyone in the lunchroom’s attention.

”You dick!” Kyle yelled. “Stan sounds like goddamn Steven Universe! You take that back!”

”Make me, Pearl!” Kenny couldn’t laugh harder. He was choking on the floor. Red stopped right next to him, with her tray and just stared. She wanted to ask what the hell was up, but her question was answered pretty fast when Kyle stood up onto the table.

”This precious angel sounds like fuckin’ George Michael, while you’re over there sounding like a pubescent platypus! You wanna fight me?” Stan couldn’t tell if he wanted to hold Kyle back, pat Kenny, laugh, or run for it. He could probably get away with a few, but he settled on holding Kyle and trying to pull him off the table. “Fight me fatass, Stan, hold my poodle.”

Kyle throw his bag at Stan, making him let go to catch it, but a few seconds of processing made Stan look up. “But Kyle, you don’t have a poodle..?”

”BITCH, I SAID HOLD MY POODLE.”

Stan just held onto the bag as hard as he could hoping a real fight didn’t actually unleash. Just as he thought Cartman was about to step unto the table too, the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over and they were to head back to class. Kyle stepped down and Cartman fixed his bag up. Kenny rubbed his eyes and straightened his jacket, still giggling slightly.   
  
The walk back to class was quiet, except the buzz of people through the halls. They sat in their seats and sat quietly. 

“So...” Stan started, gaining everyone’s eyes. “Do you... really have a poodle.”

Kenny snorted, turning toward the black haired idiot he loved. “My precious baby, have you never seen ‘White Chicks’?”

”No..?”

”Alright,” Cartman announced, straightening up and closing his eyes. “We’re all going to my house to watch ‘White Chicks’ because we can’t have you living without seeing that movie.”

”Sounds fun.” Kyle leaned against his palm, actually smiling. They talked about the movie until class started and everyone went into class routine. Stan found himself thinking about poodles, doodling little dogs onto his paper.

He got hit on the head by Mr. Garrison for daydreaming, earning him a few laughs and a snicker or two. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is gonna insult the baby


	3. Butter’s Very Own Stalker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle: Kenny, seriously, you’re just staring  
> Cartman: You look like you’re gonna kidnap him  
> Stan: Aw, I love romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not Ken’s fault Butters is so pretty. It’s the world’s fault.

Butters’ day hadn’t been too great. He fought with his parents, got grounded, forgot his breakfast, left a school book at home, and now he realized that he forgot his lunch box. He groaned, hitting his head on his locker. How could the day escalate that fast. At least he was wearing his jacket, it was supposed to be really cold today. Without thinking, he found himself checking the people around him to make sure they were wearing adequate clothing. 

Tweek was wearing one of Craig’s sweaters, Kyle was wearing an extra set of gloves, Wendy put on a winter hat. Even Bebe wore a real jacket and not her usual off the shoulder long sleeve shirt. He was happy no one was cold, that is, until he saw Ken. He wore the same Parka everyday, visible tears and patches. Butters wondered if he ever changed the outfit under. Butters wondered if he wore _anything_ under.

Nope, nope, stop that thought Leo. Butters shook his head, a blush creeping on him as he collected the things he needed for his morning classes. Zipping up his bag and fixing his hair and jacket in the locker mirror.

To say the least, Kenny was staring. He just meant for a look, a wink or a smile. Nope, he looked and never looked away. Butters wasn’t looking, still checking his jacket and hair, but it was still probably creepy. He should probably stop... any minute now. Right after this... thing. Just gotta wait for-

“Dude, stop staring at Butters. You’re not even staring at me and I want you to stop.” 

“Huh?” Kenny asked, not even looking away or bothering to figure out who said that. Butters closed his locker now and was fixing his backpack before putting it on and walking to class. Ken didn’t look away until he turned the corner. Then he turned to face whoever was talking to him and came directly face to face with Kyle. He practically jumped a mile into the air.

”Jesus, don’t scare a man like that.” 

“I could say the same for you.” Kyle crossed his arms. This little staring thing has started after Butters got bullied a little. Kenny stood up for him just because he was a friend, but for some reason, that smile started something in him. He told Butters he would keep an eye on him in case he got into trouble, and Butters thanked Ken a hundred times. Kenny at first was just keeping his promise. But short looks soon turned into long staring. Butters was just nice to look at, sue him.

”What’s Butters gonna do if he catches you staring? He’s gonna freak. I freak the fuck out when I catch Stan staring.”

”I’m sorry, that you’re so pretty.” Stan said closing his locker and putting on his bag.

”That and your ass takes up so much space, he probably ends up seeing it everywhere he looks.” Cartman got a slap from both Kyle and Stan for that one. Kenny wanted a high five but Kyle slapped his hand away. “But seriously, Ken. I hate Kyle and everything he stands for, but I agree. The staring is fuckin’ weird. Why can’t you just stare at a girl?”

”Or Cartman.” Kyle said flatly.

”Or literally anyone else.” Stan sighed. Stan walked forward to Kenny while Cartman and Kyle yelled about something he was too tired to listen to. “Look man, we get it. You like Butters, but-“

”I beg your pardon, on this fine afternoon, good sir! I do **not** like Butters. I am a ladies man, through and through. And no man will ever change tha-“

”Butters is getting bullied.”

”W H E R E??” Ken had never turned around so fast. He actually popped something in his neck. He groaned rubbing it, not just because it hurt, but he understood what Stan was getting at. But Kenny was still about to die with his ship. That doesn’t change most of it.

”That doesn’t prove anything.”

”I think it proves many things, Ken.” Stan smiled meaningfully at him, but Ken wanted none of it. “Wipe that grin off your face. I’m gonna say this once and only once, Marsh. I. Do. **Not**. Like. Butters-“

”What about me?” Kenny nearly fainted. He didn’t even fully turn around. He just slammed himself into the lockers, sliding slowly latching onto them like they were gonna ground him. Even better, Stan’s smile didn’t leave, it only grew bigger. “Golly, that sounded like it hurt. Are you alright, Ken?”

Kyle even walked over because the noise and had to slap a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh at Ken. Cartman wasn’t as nice. He laughed loud and hard. Kenny was about to kill everyone around him, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure if Butters was part of that yet. Butters just blinked at him with his big blue eyes, lined with concern. He hated Stan, and his smile, Kyle and his snickering, Cartman on the goddamn floor. He even hated those gorgeous blue eyes for a moment. 

Kenny straightened himself up, cleared his throat and fixed his jacket. “I’m gOod.”   
  
Damn voice, betraying him.

”I didn’t mean ta scare ya. I’m sorry. I came by because I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be cold. It’s chillier than normal today, so wanted to give you one of my scarfs.” A pure angel. Kenny would’ve cried if his pride wasn't so big. He was still trying to prove he didn’t love Butters. He wouldn’t be able to come back from crying over that smile. He just bounced with excitement on the inside, but with the look Marsh is wearing, he’s probably wearing a little on the outside. 

”That’s real sweet, Butters. I appreciate it.” Saying ‘no’ was not an option with those eyes, so he took the scarf with no resistance.   
  
“To be honest, I was worried you wouldn’t take it.” That’s new. Even if Kenny didn’t like Butters like that, he was never one to say ‘no’ to the guy. He was worried of hurting him. Butters could ask for anything, his middle name, his wallet, hell, if he asked for his virginity, he would give it to him without a second thought. Saying ‘no’ to Butters just never occurred to him. 

”Where’d you get an idea like that?”

”Just now. You said you, didn’t like me.” That’s okay, he didn’t need his heart. The little blonde was messing with his fingers anxiously, his eyes glossing over, leaving the implication that he was about to cry if nothing was said. Good thing that Kenny’s witty and says something the next second. Oh my god, why wasn’t he saying anything. He felt frozen, every word he tried, wouldn’t come out. Not good for the situation, Butters began to tear up. 

Panic, Panic, Panic. “Uh-“ Welp, this is it. His life is over at 14. He’s had a good run. Kenny takes that back, no he hasn’t. His run was shitty, only luck to change that is if his life wasn’t over. And it didn’t have to be, if he could get a single _fucking_ **_word_** _**in.  
**_

“Butters, I didn’t mean it like that. Stan was jumping to conclusions. You’re a cool guy.” Thank god he got something out. Rocky, but it’ll work. Butters sniffed before rubbing his eyes a bit. He smiled back and Kenny practically melted. Butters giggled at the action and moved his hair out of his face.

”That’s a relief, I didn’t want another person to hate me. It seems like everyone’s like that.”

”Oh they are, you’re easy to hate.” Cartman got an elbow to the stomach for that one. Thank you, Kyle. Butters laughed quietly at the interaction, turning his attention back to Kenny. 

“I hope you don’t catch a cold one of these days. I don’t think I could bare a day with you at school.” That’s it, Kenny’s dead. He knew it. Michael was playing games with him, the dick of an angel. ‘Cause there was no way that smile was real. God, Kenny hated himself to such a new level today. And that’s saying something. 

“Have a swell day, Kenny.” Butters waved, making his way to class before he’s late. Kenny just stupidly waved back, smiling like a moron. He was brought back to his senses by a biology book to the back of his head. 

“Ow.”

”You done, Romeo?” Kyle placed his book back into his bag with a hand on his hip. “Honestly, are you gonna be like that every time Butters smiles at you?”

”I fucking hope not.” Kenny sighed, still rubbing his head. “Can you imagine what that’ll do to my reputation?” 

“You mean improve it?” Cartman got a slap to the back of the head for that one. That was his fifth hit that day. And yes, he was counting. “Stop goddamn hitting me!”

”Stop giving me a reason to-“ the bell rang. They were late. Forget P.E, they’re just late to class everyday, that’s all the exercise and adrenaline they need a day. They were scolded by the teacher and took their seats. Kenny sat next to Butters without thinking about it, until he looked and Butters waved at him. He waved back feeling the warmth grow on his face, but this time did nothing to it.   
  
Class was boring as usual, only one new thing happened. A piece of spiral paper, crumbled and thrown at him from Mr. Craig fuckin’ Tucker. Against his instincts, he opened it and read it. Let’s just say, he’s never glared at someone with such a red face before.

_’Welcome to Gay Club, Fucker’_

_\- Craig_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got an age and that’s right, they’re 8th graders. Old, but still young. I finally decided on an age, and I feel this will make things more interesting. They’re gonna get older when more jokes and situations come up but for now, middle school.


	4. Prove it, Barbie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intro into the girls world, South Park gets a hell of a lot more boring... Bebe and Red try to convince the boys that they are loads more fun than the boys are. 
> 
> (They really aren't)

When it comes to fun, the girls are above their time. They're way more fun than the boys. I mean, all Craig does is watch Red Racer. Tweek drinks coffee, Clyde cries, Kenny gets arrested, Cartman's a dick, Stan drinks, Kyle yells. How is that fun? The girls, however, are so much more interesting to watch. They write stories, star in movies, make fashion shows, paint their nails, bake and even, wait for it; Prank the boys. How is that not fun?

"Spin the pig!" Clyde, Kenny and Jimmy all shouted as Kenny twirled a stuffed animal pig. As the toy spun, Clyde and Jimmy had a 'random dance party for no reason' moment. How cute. The pig stopped and pointed at Craig who was listening to music, arm wrapped around his boyfriend, Tweek, of three years. Tweek was just reading, occasionally taking a sip of coffee.

"Hey, Craig!" Kenny called from across the yard. "Ever kissed a pig before?" He was wearing his hood down, showing off his freckles and blonde hair. His face wasn't as chubby and he had gotten taller, but damn does his voice betray him by not changing a fraction. 

"I'm not answering that." Craig answered back, not even looking up and scrolling through Tumblr. Tweek stopped reading to look at his boyfriend, covering his smile. 

"Guess I'll do it." Kenny shrugs as he kissed the pink pillow. Clyde snickered and took the pig, spinning it on the dirt like Kenny had. Aren't they precious? Spinning a fake pig and kissing it. How weird, the girls were doing something much more interesting than that. They were in a braid circle. Red was doing Heidi's, (Her usual, being Wendy, was preoccupied with something and didn't join the circle), but the boys took her attention. She giggled at them and continued to braid.

"What was that laugh for?" Heidi asked, blowing strands of hair out of her face. "You zoned out for a bit, giggled, then continued. Something on your mind?" 

"Just the boys." Red replayed flatly, looking over at them again. Jimmy was now marrying the pig, Clyde drew in his arms with paint to look like a tux. Kenny was pretending to blow his nose while whispering something along the lines of 'I always cry at weddings.' Ridiculous. "I just think their definition of fun is stupid. I mean, Jimmy's marrying a fake pig. Seems pretty idiotic." Red threw her hair out of her face with a throw of her head. Annie grabbed the strands bothering her and begun to clip them back, earning a 'thank you' from Red. The conversation would've ended there if it weren't for Cartman passing them at that exact second.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Cartman shoved his hands forward several times, the boy's presence grabbing all the girl's attention. "You girls think your idea of fun is, you know, fun?" Cartman was wearing his signature smile and his look of daring the girls to continue the conversation. No matter how wrong Cartman was, it was always hard to prove it. He was a dick, but he was a smart one. 

"Sure," Nicole answered, dropping Bebe's hair in the process. "We have lots of fun. We dress up, talk about school, gossip, bak-"

"Yeah, yeah, don't care. You talking is making this conversation so boring." Cartman rubbed his eyes, as if he had been falling asleep just listening to all the activities the girls do. Nicole ignored it, but Bebe was not about to. She stood up, towering over him slightly. She had grown a good couple inches; Cartman, not so much. 

"You wanna say that again?" Bebe challenged. She was not about to let Cartman ruin her day. She was feeling good and fierce today. No one was taking that away. Not even goddamn Cartman. 

"How 'bout this?" Cartman crossed his arms and looked up at Bebe, wearing the same look of pure hostility. "If you can prove that you girls are so off-the-rails fun in a day, we boys will do a whole day worth of **girl** activities. If not, the girls will do a whole day worth of **boy** activities." Cartman meant all the boys, without even asking them. Now, that's cocky. So cocky, Bebe wanted to kick him in it, but unlike him, she cared about her friends. She turned toward them and formed a huddle. 

"What we thinkin' ladies?" Bebe questioned into the circle. Each girl looked at each other, none wanting to speak first. 

"Let's do it." Red announced, every girl turning their attention to the Red head. "This'll give the boys a taste of their own medicine. Not to mention, if we lose, we'll do something that we agree, is fun. It's a bit of a win-win situation." Looks were exchanged, and in the end, all agreed. Red was the one to confront Cartman this time, she walked up, held her hand out and squinted with smirk.

" **You're on, fat boy.** "

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

This was the best idea Bebe ever had. The girls gathered all the boys and announced the bet. After a few glares pointed at Cartman, and a few hits, the bet officially began. The girls started with hair braiding. They taught the boys to braid and let them practice on the girls. A few were surprisingly good. Kenny didn't even need help, and he got Nicole! Her hair looked flawless after. It was tight, stylish, and he added gel and glitter to make it look clean and pretty. Bebe was actually a little jealous.

"How did you do that?" She basically wheezed in his direction.

"You kiddin'? I have a little sister." Kenny laughed, throwing his arms over his head to lay on. Next activity was make up. The boys had a little more trouble with it, Cartman looked crazy and Craig's hands were too shaky to line eyeliner correctly. But of course, a few were outstanding. Kyle looked like Jessica Rabbit, and Clyde looked like Ariana Grande. 

"That's not fair." Annie threw at Kyle and his perfect eye shadow. He even straightened his hair, going from curls to gorgeous waves. 

"What? My mom's showed me how to do this stuff since I was little. I would do her make up while she put her shoes on. Saved time and I learned how to shock girls."

"And I've always enjoyed face painting with my mom. Same idea." Clyde smiled while applying lip gloss.

"It's really not," Bebe laughed and closed her mascara. Last one was the fashion show. No one but Token had any sense of style on the boys side. Craig didn't count cause he didn't care and jut wore his regular clothes, minus the jacket. Jimmy had a good concept, but it never came together. Minus the skill, it was a pretty good fashion show. Even Cartman had a little fun pushing people, telling them to be on stage in half an hour. The girls knew they won.

"I've had more fun." Cartman shrugged, and Bebe almost murdered the man.

"I dunno man, I had fun." Kenny tucked his hands in his pants. 

"That's because now you can add to your princess costume."

"Damn right, I can." Ken practically beamed from the opportunities. He now knew how to do make up and change quickly, not to mention, costume changes with the fashion tips. So many options. Kyle and Stan laughed , knowing damn well they were gonna do the same thing. 

"I wanna go home, can't we just say that each person's definition of fun can vary, meaning all activities are as fun as player deems it?" Craig suggested, hoping he could go home as soon as possible. The boys agreed and so did the girls. With that, Craig peaced out, taking his boyfriend and friend group with him. Girls did the same, leaving Bebe, Red, and Cartman. They were in middle school and were mature humans. So, they did what any mature human would.

Cartman stick out his tongue and the girls mocked him. They went their separate way after. Red watched Cartman walk away then looked at Bebe, who was still seething. 

"I'm gonna show him." Bebe promised, looking over at Red. "I'm gonna prove to him that girls are better, no matter how long it takes. He is gonna know I mean business." Bebe puffed her cheeks and held Red by the arms. 

"You do that, hon." Red chuckled with one eye row raised. Man, boys sure were hot, bit girls were always hella cute. Maybe that was just a her thing. Or maybe just a Bebe thing. But it didn't matter Bebe promised her something she'd die to see. So, you can bet she's gonna see it one day.

One day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a two part next chapter with papa Randy and a surprise story for the 10th chapter. They get a little serious, but never really lose their humor, so I hope you're ready for them.
> 
> P.S. If you ever feel like it, throw me a character from South Park, I'll write a story just for you. Not to mention, might make writing a little more interesting. Tell me in the comments, and you can bet I'll take it to heart. Hope you enjoy next chapters!!


	5. Not on Daddy's Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's having a bit of trouble with Wendy, Daddy Lorde comes to the rescue... 
> 
> Randy's in this, so you know it's good  
> (This is gonna be a whole 2 parts because I was writing way more than expected)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My height feel: 
> 
> *Click Link Below*
> 
> (I couldn’t figure out the image button ;-;)
> 
> This is how tall I see them, and they get slightly taller later.  
> Take it or leave it, whatever you wanna do, just enjoy!!

<https://hooray-for-being-a-loser.tumblr.com/post/630663166458724352/dont-mind-this-just-need-it-for-something>

Honestly, Stan had no idea why Wendy would be mad at him. He had done nothing wrong. All he did was break up with her in front of her best friend with no explanation or back up and left immediately after without a second word or thought...

Wendy always does that!

He saw nothing wrong with it, but he started to suspect Wendy might be mad at him for it. She'd ignore him, throw books at him, glare and even slap him from time to time. So he wasn't entirely sure, but he thought that maybe, Maybe, she was mad at him. But he'd have to do some research first-

"Wendy? Nah, dude, she totally hates you." Ah. 

" _Kenny_ ," Kyle scolded, "Stan knows that. You don't have to rub it in." 

"She does?"

"Oh my god." Kyle froze without dropping his bag with his laptop, coffee and homework. That would've sucked. "You didn't know Wendy hated you?" Stan just shrugged his shoulders. He had a feeling, but he's only started noticing. How long had she despised him? Girls were so complicated. Why can't they just tell him they hate him like Kyle does? Like, to his face so he can understand they clearly don't like him. He really needs that clarity or else it'll never get through to him. It's the whole reason they don't play Pictionary or Charades. Things never go well and every time, without fail, a table is flipped. 

"I mean, I started to suspect, but I wasn't sure."

"Stan," Cartman sighed tiredly. "You **really** hurt me sometimes."

"Hey!" Stan shut his locker with a little extra force than necessary. "It's not my fault! Girls need to tell me what the hell they want. I can't just go around guessing. Everyone knows I'm oblivious, fuck, I know I'm oblivious!" Stan announced with vigor. He was always a hand talker, but in times like these, those things were dangerous. All three took a slight step back and hoped not to get slapped as Stan managed to keep talking and flailing without noticing their movement, further proving the point. "Bitches gotta tell me things, or else the day will feel real long, real quick!"

Before he could go much further of why, he felt slightly colder hands grab his wrists, stopping his maneuvering. He looked down slightly to see Cartman holding his hands, but with a fair amount of space between them. He had his eyes closed tight like he was about to be hit and his arms were stiff and stretched as far as they could go. He sometimes forgot about his hand waving. Oops. Cartman let go with a sigh and dropped them. "God, I'm _so_ glad I wasn't fuckin' **bitch slapped** in the process of getting your attention."

Cartman had calmed down slightly since the beginning of Middle School. I mean, he's still Cartman, he's just not as bad. "I don't wanna listen to your word vomit, just apologize or some shit and maybe she won't hate you as bad. Maybe."

"Maybe." Kenny snickered.

"That's a tentative maybe. Who knows, she might hate you more for taking so long." Kyle jokes, only to realize it could be entirely true. Stan slumped, annoyed with literally every part of his situation. He _could_ apologize, but that didn't feel fair. Wendy got to walk out on him whenever and never have to apologize, but when he does it, he's on a timer limit of how long he has to apologize. It's not just an expectation for him, it's a must. Fuckin' gender norms and shit, makin' him do things he really didn't wanna. Stan leaned more with a sigh, then he was bent in half with a whine, then he slide to the floor with a moan, then he was laying face down on the fake tile with a loud and obnoxiously long groan. Kyle almost stepped on him to shut him up, but decided Stan probably needed to let it out. Not Cartman. He stomped on his butt with malicious intent.

"Get up, bitch. You're in my way."

"What do you think I should do, Cartman?" Stan asked the floor pathetically. Cartman just rolled his eyes and kicked him somewhat hard, earning a pained whimper from the floor.

"I don't give a fuck about what you do, Stanley. I wanted you to move." Stan stood up on his knees clutching his side while Cartman just looked at him. Cartman was the only one in the group that wasn't affected by the guilt card. It mostly affected Kyle, Kenny on the rare occasion, but never Cartman. He was, in Kenny's words, 'Cold blooded'; in reference to the parody 50% Off. Stan looked at Cartman with the best puppy eyes he could manage with a bruised side and a nonexistent will to live. Cartman stared back with a cold glare and Stan immediately dropped it with a huff, picking himself up and grabbing his bag. Cartman gripped Stan's jacket sleeve before he could walk off and make things worse. He sighed and looked at Stan. This is the only time he's helping Stan with his shitty taste in woman.

"Listen, Stan. I need you to understand something. Women may have expectations for you, but not all of them are hard or difficult. Wendy may not expect you to be a Prince Charming, but she at least expects you'd have enough humility to take her to the side and discuss with her why you want to end the relationship. Not that hard. I know how Wendy is, and I know this doesn't seem fair, but think about it. We all know who Wendy is. She's a spoiled, manipulative bitch who takes advantage of people. Something like that is sadly, expected of her.

"But you? You're an angel, Stan. You stand up for animals, you're a peace maker, I mean fuck, man. You try your best to be a good person. What you did was a dick move, and it's super apparent because you're not that kind of guy. That's what pissed her off. It wasn't you, and you gave her no explanation after. Then when she expected a crazy voicemail about how you apologize, you didn't mean it and what not, and then it never came? She probably felt betrayed or lied to. She's mad at what you did and what you did to make it worse, Stan. She doesn't just want an apology now, she wants a big explanation about how you were abducted and you were being mind controlled or some shit. She wants a far fetched reason why you just left. But, since you don't have one, you really need to make it up to her. 

"Stanley." Cartman held both Stan's shoulders with a calm look in his eye. Stan was about to cry with how much Cartman was trying to help him. It was really sweet, and Stan could really see how much he had grown over the years-

"I honestly and highly suggest kissing her ass if you want her to forgive you." Huh? That snapped Stan out of it.

"I'm sorry, what?" Stan blinked. That couldn't be his honest opinion after all that. He literally talked about him like he was the best person on the planet. That was what he came up with?

"I'm dead serious, Stan. You fucked up, you wanna make it up? Kiss your dignity goodbye.” Cartman patted Stan’s shoulder and walked away with a smile. Welp, Cartman gave him his honest opinion, so he was gonna listen. He could lose his dignity easily. He didn’t have any. All he had to do was cry pathetically and Wendy would at least listen. Stan could do this. He could _do this._

\- - - - - - - - - - 

He couldn’t do it. He fucked up the moment he talked to her. Hey said “Sup” instead of ‘I miss you’ or ‘I’m sorry,’ which resulted in him getting slapped so hard, he woke up an hour later in the nurse’s office with a killer headache. Welp, that bridge was burned forever. He figured so, but it still left a bad taste in his mouth, and it wasn’t just the copper from his bitten tongue. He felt it the entire ride home. His mom wanted to ask, but she didn’t want him to start crying, so she left it be. 

When they got home, Shelly laughed at his bandage, then went upstairs. Stan stayed downstairs to do homework, though he wasn’t really paying attention. He read the same problem over and over before just quitting and sitting at the dinner table in misery. 

“Stanley, honey,” Sharron asked carefully, concern basically dripping off her tongue. Stan didn’t respond, or even look up. This only worried her more. “Stanley, did something happen at school? Did you fail a test? Fight with Kyle?” She offered, stepping closer slightly with each suggestion. Before she could offer another, rubbed his cheek and tasted his teeth a bit. Sharron didn’t think much about the band-aid before, but she certainly did now. Mother’s instinct kicked in faster than she realized when she slammed down her towel and sprinted toward her kid. “Stanley, were you hit by someone? Were you bullied? Let me see, does it still hurt? How long has it been hurting? Did you bite your tongue? Are you bleeding?” Sharron was talking so fast, she didn’t even realize what she was saying, she was just talking.

“I’m okay, mom. It doesn’t hurt anymore, not really.” Stan practically whispered. Sharron looked over at his paper Stan said he was starting 30 minutes ago. It just has his name and date, nothing else. Sharron had never seen her boy this upset in a while. She really didn’t know what to do. So, she kissed his head, stroked his hair and walked to the kitchen to continue making dinner. 

They sat there, in silence for a good amount of time. Shelly would pass by for chips or just to insult Stan. By the third insult with no response, she actually asked her mom if he was okay. He wasn’t sure if he was happy that she at least cared a little. Shelly stopped poking at him. She would pat his shoulders when she walked by. That scared him more than anything. The only thing that made it better was that she was as stiff as he was. Made him laugh a little.

Right before dinner, he figured it would best if he left his mom alone to focus on what she was doing, instead of worrying about him. He pushed his chair out and stepped off the moment the door swung open, revealing the bright smile of his dad about to throw bullshit. ”Sharron!” He proclaimed before stepping into the kitchen. He was carrying two full bags, the label showing they were from a nearby gas station. “Oh my god, Sharron. I went to the gas station after work and found this!” He held out a baseball hat, brown and green, with the bold black words, ‘World’s Okayest dad.’ Stan wanted to say something, but he really had nothing. He was both too bummed and too at a loss of words. 

“Randy.” His mom sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Randy just stood there in the same pose, still holding his smile. It actually made Stan giggle a bit before he began to slowly walk to the door. He was caught by his dad the minute he touched the door-frame.

“Where you goin’, kiddo?” He asked, tilting his head before rummaging through one of the bags. “I got you a hat too! You’ll love it.” He then pulled out a trucker hat, red and blue, with the words ‘Don’t fuck with me. I will cry.’ Stan almost died. Okay, that was funny and accurate. Stan just smiled and put it on. His mom saw the word and was about to say something before reading the rest. She snickered, but then cleared her throat and looked at her husband. 

“Randy, we can't just give Stan something with the ‘f’ word on it.” She crossed her arms to look more mad and intimidating. It didn’t work for the most part. Randy just looked at her with a confused look. He looked at his bags, then his wife, then Stan and back to his wife. He said one word as a response.

“Why?” He shrugged his shoulders, shuffling the plastic in his hands. “The boy’s a tween. He should be able to have a little fun.” His dad winked at him and he really wanted to agree, but he didn’t want to get grounded. He just smiled at his dad, and he got the message and smiled back. “Besides, Sharron, the boy looked down in the dumps before I gave him the hat.” Randy said, holding his hands on his hips with pride at making his son feel better. Well, he was half right. It was more the break of silence that made him slightly happier. The hat was just the cherry on top. 

“Well, I suppose that is true…” Sharron carefully agreed. Her shoulders slumped and she held the side of her face with one hand. “Stan wouldn’t even talk to me.”

“He wouldn’t?” Randy sounded bewildered. He turned toward his son with an eyebrow raised and dropped his hands from his hips. “Why not? What happened buddy?” He asked, looking directly into Stan’s eyes. Stan looked away, not wanting to meet his dad’s gaze any further. That’s when his dad placed his bags on the counter, walked over to his boy, held his shoulders and picked his chin up so he would look at him. “What’s wrong, Stan?” Randy urged so gently, Stan almost didn’t remember this was his dad he was talking to. 

Before Stan could lie, he felt himself tell the truth without wanting to. “I broke up with my girlfriend recently. And apparently I did it wrong. Now she’s mad at me so I went to fix it, and she slapped me. **Hard**. She got away with doing the same thing, so I thought I could, but I guess I can’t.” Stan’s vision blurred with the tears that threatened to spill. Randy caught the ones that did and hugged his baby boy.

“It’s alright, sport.” Randy rubbed circles on his kid’s back as he proceeded to cry unto his shoulder. Stan was close to his height, and at times like this, he was really reminded about it. His boy was really growing up, just the thought made him want to cry. But not now. His boy needed him! “You know what you need?” Randy gently nudged, holding his boy as he lifted his head, sniffling at him. 

“What?” Stan asked with puffy eyes and a runny nose. The boy looked miserable. Not on Daddy Lorde’s watch.

“A boy’ night out.” He beamed, patting Stan’s back. The boy looked down in thought, then let a smile creep its way unto his face. 

“That does sound fun.” Stan rubbed his nose and smiled at his dad. Yes! Grade A parenting. 

“Just you wait, kiddo, tomorrow is gonna be great. After school, I’m picking you and your friends up, and we’re going on a night out. Just us boys.” Stan really smiled at that. He hugged his dad before going to his room, probably to tell his friends. Randy sighed, smiling at watching his boy take the stairs two at a time. Sharron was happy her boy was feeling better, but she was skeptical about this night out.

“Randy,” She started, putting on her excited but worried face that only a mother can pull off. “I’m happy you wanna help Stan out and I’m excited that you boys are gonna spend time together, but I know how you get. You are not to go crazy, alright?” Sharron looked at her husband with a stern look, to which he responded with a smile. 

“I promise, Sharron. Nothing crazy. I know exactly what I wanna do with him.” Sharron smiled and went back to making dinner. He had everything planned out. His boy was gonna be the happiest he’s ever been. 

He promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelly was a good sister for a hot second.
> 
> Randy's got plans, and the story's comin' soon


End file.
